My Depression Story – Part Two

This is the second part to Andrew’s story, where he focusses on things we can do to help people with depression.

How do you help someone who has depression? How do you talk with them or to them? 

 People often are at a loss as to what to say to someone who has a mental illness like depression, or suffering from a relationship separation. How often do we hear, “Don’t worry there are plenty more fish in the sea”? You don’t want any fish; you want a specific one. One that has just walked away. 

 Alternatively, people want to think they are helping but end up saying something insentive or speak in cliched platitudes and sayings because they have nothing else to say. Sometimes people don’t realise they are being insensitive. One day, mum had a friend over and there was a story on the radio about a person who had committed suicide. The response and agreement from my mother and her friend was to start discussing how selfish suicide is and how tough it is on the ones left behind. 

 In that moment I was left confused and at a loss. How could I express that I had been feeling suicidal and had in fact nearly taken my life? 

 From Christians the platitude I hear is, “How can a Christian commit suicide? Don’t they know that with God there is always hope.” 

 I’m not saying it is a wrong thing to say; there is hope and a way out. However I feel it is an insensitive thing to say. Avoid speaking in cliches and platitudes. It simply provides no comfort to the person who is feeling suicidal. Instead, it provokes a feeling there is even more wrong with them. The person can become frightened of being judged if they were to speak up and say how they are honestly feeling.

In response to empty platitudes, the person with suicidal and depressive thoughts withdraws further into their shell and feels even more isolated and doesn’t ask for the help they so desperately need.

Another problem in overcoming depression especially caused by events is memories. I have a son and I love him dearly. My entire life revolves around him. If someone was to try and hurt him I would resort to violence in a heartbeat to protect him. However every day I see him it is a reminder of my failed marriage, my negative experiences. I have moments when, like all parents, I just want to get away for a few quiet hours. However I am reminded I can’t do that, being on my own. One day I woke up barely able to move my leg without severe pain. Previously I would be able to turn to my wife and say, “Hey I’m in trouble here; I really need you to take care of him please” and she would. Now though, I turn and there is nobody else. It is just me. So I still have to get up and get breakfast and walk him to school despite the pain. 

How do you help a person who is depressed? 

 Nobody likes being around a person who is always down, always negative, someone who always sees the glass as almost empty instead of half full. I understand why people walk away. Society’s response is to walk away from the person who is a constant negative: “Don’t let somebody else get you down.” I have walked away from people whose influence, not their mental illness, has had a negative impact on my life.

But where does that leave the person contemplating suicide? What message are you telling them when you choose to walk away so they don’t get you down? To be honest, I don’t know the solution. 

 I know there is always hope with God. I can tell some great stories of how God has looked after me and kept me safe. Words can be a helpful way for someone.

 One simple thing you can do for someone who is depressed is to ask them what you can do for them. Be prepared for an answer you simply aren’t comfortable with. If you’re prepared to ask then you need to be prepared to follow through with the request. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is to just sit with them in absolute silence in case they decide they want to talk. For some, just having a person next to them helps. 

 A second way to help a person with depressive or suicidal thoughts is in practical, physical ways. For example, the simple act of a hug; affectionate, positive human contact is a good way to remember you are loved and valued. At times I have really felt like saying, “Hey I could do with a hug right now.” There has been many times in my life when I have drawn great strength from receiving a hug. 

 But what if the person is really uncomfortable with the request? Will I sense that and then still be left with the basic human need to connect with somebody as a friend? Perhaps I know the person is not the hugging type. It comes back to the glass almost empty and struggling to see things in a positive light rather than negative. As a result of rejection I have experienced I was very fearful of being rejected in little ways. As a defence mechanism I decided it was best to stay quiet about it. Yet it still leaves me with the need for basic physical human contact and a need to express the emotional state I am in.

The book “The Five Love Languages” details how each individual gives and receives love in different ways. We need to know we are cared for, that we are loved. This is through gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. We all need each of these love languages, but we have a preferred style with which we give and receive. It is a book often given to newly wed couples but it is also a great tool and resource for all relationships: friends, parents, siblings, work colleagues.

No matter how one receives love there is always a unhealthy way of doing so. I did a course called “Search For Life” which focuses on how your past experiences affect you and can affect your current behaviour and attitudes towards life. One thing it discussed was unhealthy patterns. When a solution to a problem doesn’t work, you still have the original problem. For the person with depressed thoughts, the failure of the solution adds shame because it didn’t solve the problem and adds to the shame you already have. And it can easily spiral into an unhealthy pattern taking the depressed person into darker places. That is the point I had come to I decided it would be easier if I just ended my life. Who needs more pain on top of what I had gone through? Wasn’t there enough already? I struggled on.

 For the depressed person the danger of the darkness is ever present. Memories of your life are easy to recall and it doesn’t take much at times for memories to come back. 

I was trying to get a forklift license to improve my chances of finding work. I recently passed my forklift license test on the second attempt. The first time I made a silly mistake which was an instant fail. I sat in the car about to drive home when I remembered something my ex-wife said to me the previous year when I lost my job, “You will find another job quickly. You always do.”

 It was true. I have never been unemployed for long but on this occasion I had been unemployed for over a year. When I failed the test her comment came to mind and my response was to think, “You have no idea about anything I’ve been through.” The memories of the previous year flooded back. I burst into tears and it took half an hour to compose myself enough to be able to drive home.

I found counselling very helpful. Of course to receive the benefit from counselling one needs to be willing to go. Rarely if forced does a person open up in the way they need to to get help. The most useful thing for me was to plan strategies for dealing with dark times. One occasion when the darkness was taking over I called my sister and told her that I needed her to look after my son. She recognised I needed help because we had discussed it previously and agreed without hesitation. I was then able to spend the day with a friend in a different setting. Having the strategies in place meant instead of focusing on my problems I had to think about other things like making arrangements for my son to be cared for and to meet with a friend. this allowed me to be in a safe place with my thoughts and work through the issues. Without those strategies I would have struggled to take my mind off the problem. As a result I would have spiralled down into darkness.

Depression manifests itself in many different ways, in many different forms, as a result of many different reasons. Helping someone with a mental illness like depression can be as simple as asking, “Are you ok?” and listening to the response. Sitting with someone, taking the time to be with them even if they do not speak. Offering positive physical contact when appropriate. Do not be afraid to ask. 

I came across a poem written by Dan Pearce. I could really identify with parts of it even though I have no interest at all in dating ever again. The parts I identify with are in bold type.

“When You Date A Single Parent And Want To Make ’em Swoon”

by Dan Pearce

www.danoah.com

used with permission

 

When you date a single parent

And you want to make ’em swoon

Show ’em you speak their language

And ask to share a spoon

 

But don’t stop there you sexy thing

You have a golden chance

To connect in ways you never have

And add to the romance

 

First tell ’em your house is messy

Say “I just don’t have the time,

Between life and love and doing things

For those that I call mine.”

 

Then tell ’em that you love to laugh

Sometimes it’s your only tool

When things turn into crazy mayhem

And chaos becomes the rule.

 

And tell ’em you love to ride

In those spicy minivans

And tell ’em that you love to eat

From freezers and from cans

 

And tell ’em that some days you stay

In your pajamas until two.

And tell ’em that you often want

Something to remain new.

 

And if you do all this my friend

You’ll really start to see

That the pathway to a single parent’s heart

Is as easy as 1-2-3

 

It’s not in the way you do your hair

Or the way your muscles rip

It’s not in the things you can buy

Or your ability to strip

 

It’s in your smile and the way it shows

Wheather it can thrive or not

Amid the craziness life often is

When you’re dealing with tiny tots

 

It’s in your laugh and  the way it proves

The kind of person that you are

It’s in the way you talk of others

And not about your car

 

It’s in your hands and the way they touch

The ones you love most dear

Cause soon those hands might also touch

Those ones that they hold near

 

It’s in your words and the way they lift

Their heart when it’s feeling low

It’s in your eyes and the way they find

Their sometimes dampened glow

 

But more than anything I think perhaps

The thing that they need the most

Is someone who can see beyond

The toughness they must show

 

Yes single parents don’t have the chance

To show when they are weak

Or sick or hurt or off alone

Crying themselves to sleep

 

Supermoms and Superdads

they’re only missing capes

But give ’em half a minute and

They’ll make one from the drapes

 

Just know that you’ll wear one as well

If a single parent you are to woo

It’s gonna be tough but it’ll be worth it

When you’re covered in glitter and glue

 

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

 

(C)Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

 

I am a Christian. I am a single father. I have epilepsy. I am prone to depression. These statements help me understand who I am and I hope that they help you to understand me, too. May you understand yourself. 

 

My Depression Story – Part One

Andrew Glover has bravely decided to share some of his story relating to his fight with depression.  It will be put up in two parts as it is quite long. In Part One, we hear the background of his experience and the challenges he faced. In Part Two, he will share some insight into the things that have helped him, and how he believes you can help someone else with depression.

Depression is not a war that you win; it is a battle you wage on a daily basis. You manage the conflicts, the situations, the outcomes. Sometimes you enjoy long periods of peace while at other times you endure dark stretches of continual conflict. For me, its origins lie in the past, having successes and failures, an continuing battle since May 2012.

 Depression provokes a response in the hearer based on their own ideas, preconceptions and experiences of a mental illness. No two experiences of depression are the same; they share similarities but it is the uniqueness of the individual’s experience of mental illness, such as depression, that requires understanding and awareness. 

 This is my story.

 Since the middle of my teenage years I had a fragile sense of self-confidence. While I was a confident person in my appearance and personality, under the surface there was a lot of self-doubt. A friend once said to me, “You’re self confident; we can pick on you. You’ll be fine.” I appeared confident on the outside yet doubted myself on the inside.

 I would still put up with behaviour from friends simply to keep the peace and friendship going rather than causing an argument and risking losing the friendship.

 I was the type of person who tended not to change in order to make people happy; I preferred to be myself. This characteristic partly came from a desire to rebel against my parents as all teenagers are wont to do from time to time. It also came from an understanding that happiness does not come from being what other people want you to be. Nor is it found in wearing the right clothes or liking the right things.

 Away from the perceived pressures of high school when you are finding yourself as a person, the burden on conformity is lifted. The years after high school allow you to develop more of who you think you are without the pressure of close quarters of friendship groups and peer pressure. Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain either exacerbated by situations or causing the interpretation of significant emotional events to be interpreted in a way that causes imbalance. 

Then suddenly, something happens to you, something you didn’t expect, something that unbalances you. My world was about to be ripped apart.

 At the start of 2012 I had just started a new job that was a 10 minute walk from home, was refereeing touch football, married with one son for who I was the primary carer and actively involved in a local church. I was making plans for our eighth wedding anniversary and I made a spur of the moment decision to do something extravagant for my wife. Due to the amount of money involved it needed my wife’s approval. 

Calling her on the phone to discuss it, she was hesitant. She didn’t want to talk about it. She insisted we discuss it when she returned home. Her insistence was out of character. 

When she came home she informed me she was planning on moving out. This news came as a complete shock. Certainly our marriage did have some problems and we had recently raised those. They were not anything that could not be overcome. I thought the point of raising the problems was to work them out. She said she had to work things out on her own. 

After the course of several discussions I reluctantly accepted she was moving out.

A sudden and dramatic change like this naturally affects you in a significant way. It affects everyone differently but for me it affected my focus and concentration. As a result, I made mistakes at work. Being new, and still in a probation period, I lost my job a week later. 

During the next few weeks things worsened for me: I could no longer run without severe pain, forcing me to give up touch football; a cousin was killed when another car failed to give way; a friend passed away. 

My memory suddenly seemed to just disappear. The normal, everyday routines I had done all my life slipped out of my mind like it had been erased. I forgot the simple things like using deodoerant. I forgot to take medication for my epilepsy, a practice I had done several times a day since I was 14. I wrote a note and stuck it to the fridge as a visible reminder to do these everyday tasks. It was also a reminder to get outside into the light.

I began to have trouble sleeping. In the darkness of the night, when all was still and silent, my mind became very active.  I began to imagine all the things I could have done differently in my marriage. I played out conversations in my head, changing what I had said in the hope of a different outcome. The darkness began to consume the daylight hours, too.

In the morning I would get up and take my son to school. When I got home I would go to bed and stay there until it was time to pick him up from school. At home my son would entertain himself, usually with TV, while I went back to bed. Eventually I would get up and get something for my son to eat. Often I ordered take away or went to Mcdonalds which was one block away. Despite virtually being ignored my son was great during this time. He was always helpful. He didn’t complain about me not doing anything with him. Sometimes he would come into my room and just climb onto the bed and sit beside me.

I was living in Queensland at the time, and we had moved to seven different places in nine years for a number of different reasons such as rental increases. As a result of continual moves, we lost contact with people who had been friends and a support. I really needed to be around friends and people who could help. My parents, sister and brother all lived in Sydney. I figured there was nothing to keep me in Queensland with my separation and job loss and I knew friends in Sydney who had been through a similar situation. I decided it would be best to move back to Sydney.

The death of my friend compounded the depressed state I was in and when I sought comfort and solace from the places where I thought I could receive it, I was disappointed. I was in a large empty house finishing the cleaning in preparation for moving interstate to be close to family when I was told of the death of my friend. I called the minister of the church I attended. He offered words that were biblically correct but there was no comfort or solace in his words. He seemed keen to get off the phone. 

I had reached out for help but did not receive it. Beside me on the table was an art knife. I picked it up and put the blade against my wrist. I could feel the edge of the blade against my skin, cold at first but slowly taking on the heat of my body until I could not feel the metal except the pressure of it on my skin. The light faded into the dark of evening as time slipped by. I have no idea how long I sat there for. To this day I have no idea what caused me to snap out of the darkness of the head space I was in. All I knew was that I was very frightened at how bad things had become.

Even in this darkened state I had some very good friends who provided me with a place to live, cooked for me, drove me around when needed, listened and most importantly were just there for me. When I moved interstate to be close to family one of them drove me in to the coach terminal in the city and helped me take my things from the car to the coach. There was no request for money to cover parking fees or fuel. They have continued to support me by phone calls and offered me a place to stay should I ever travel there again. 

Moving interstate to live with my parents for the interim while I could establish myself had its share of problems. I was lucky to have parents who were happy to help out; some people do not have that luxury or accessibility. However, living with your parents after being out of home for some time can take some adjusting. 

The idiosyncrasies you forgot your parents had when you were living at home come back all too quickly. It was their house, their rules. Dad did not adjust well to having my son and I in the house. He was happy to be a grandparent but did not want to be the parent again. I didn’t want them to be parents again, either. Dad’s responses to taking on a de facto parenting role again stemmed from some of his childhood issues. He was taught you respond to aggression with a greater show of aggression. In response to a five year old’s natural argumentative state he shouted or yelled. My son was having a difficult time adjusting to such significant upheaval in his life: the separation from his mother, living in a strange house far away from where he grew up. He began wetting the bed. Dad become increasingly frustrated at my son’s frequent bed wetting and made his feelings known. Often Mum would step in and have a word to Dad. 

 I was unhappy about it but it felt hard to say anything; after all I was in their house. I contributed to the cost of food and utilities but I felt like a child again. 

The affect of all these events: the death of a friend, the move interstate, readjusting to living with my parents, had an impact on my memory. I used to have an excellent memory. I could make appointments well in advance and remember them without writing them down. I began to forget simple things like opening the bathroom window and picking up the mat after a shower. I now had trouble remembering the simplest of things. This led to more frustration with my Dad and further problems. It caused my state to become worse, and I fell into a deeper state of depression.

Men’s Ministry in 2014

This is the vision for Men’s Ministry at Northridge:

When Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, he encouraged them to “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong”. (1 Cor 16:13).

Northridge Men’s Ministry seeks to develop in its members an understanding of what it means to ‘act like men’ by becoming more Christ like and equipping them with the tools and support to step into the purposes for which God has created them.

It is important for men to experience fellowship with each other, whether in studying God’s word, ministering and mentoring, sharing life together, and discussing issues facing individuals, groups and Christian men as a whole.

To enable us to explore these ideas and share in fellowship with each other, we will be holding the following events this year:

• Men’s Dinner – Sat 29th March at 7.30 pm
• State of Origin – Wed 9th July
• Men’s Weekend Away – Fri 29th – Sun 31st August at Bundanoon

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17)

Being a Christian man in 2014

This entry by Paul Taylor discusses the biblical nature of manhood.

Recently a friend spoke to me about a Christian organisation that helps men to discover ‘biblical manhood’, to become a man according to scripture, and to leave behind things that have prevented them from being fully a man in a godly sense.  Part of the time spent with the group of men that met together was an ‘initiation ceremony’ in which his manhood was affirmed.

This introduces the interesting question for men about the schemes and groups that promote various ideas about being a Christian man.  It is true that there is a lot of confusion among men as to ‘male identity’, caused by the twin developments of more assertive women in society and homosexuality.  These changes cause some men to wonder how they fit into society, what their role is or should be or could be, and what it is to be a man.

I will put forward my ideas about all of this.

Many societies mark the transition from boy to man by an initiation ceremony.  After the boy has undergone the ceremony (which might require them to endure serious pain or do some difficult task) they are considered to be a man by the rest of their society.  For some it means they can take a wife and participate with men in ways that a boy is not allowed to do.

Of course, most of these same societies (not all, eg Judaism) follow spirits and the initiation is a religious ritual which introduces the boy to the power of the (evil) spirits.

I believe that in practice a boy becomes a man naturally, without the need for initiation.  This happens at different ages for different people, but that should be no problem.  Society often considers age to be related to maturity but we mature differently.  I matured very slowly, probably more slowly than any other person I have met.  When I was thirty years old I still felt like a boy next to other men.  Of course at that time it was sometimes painful, but now I have a clearer view of the fact that God decides everything, including the speed and extent to which I matured.

Men may fail at being husbands and fathers.  There are responsibilities on both sides, of course, and no parent or spouse is perfect either.  But if we have failed and know it, the remedy is not in better manhood but in more trust in God and obedience to His word, following His commands and the wisdom in His word (of which there is a lot) and being sanctified (a word not used much these days – meaning being made more like God by the Holy Spirit).

Manhood means taking responsibility.  God made the man first and made the woman out of his body as a helper.  This order of things strongly permeates the Old Testament and the New but it is denied in our society and culture.  As women have become more self-determining, men have sometimes retired from taking responsibility, so that women dominate where they should not and this happens in churches.

The Bible does not make a great deal of the roles of men versus women as such, but it does say that the man is the head of the woman and their children.  How a man does this must be consistent with the commands of God and of Jesus and for the most part the emphasis is on loving others, caring, humility and standing up for the truth.  So it is these things that matter – not being a sort of man that lives up to a male model that is not in the Bible.

It is not necessary to have special ‘manhood’ ministries in the church – rather the teaching about how we should live as followers of Christ will set right all the imperfections of us as men.

As I said earlier, I was a wimp and not a credible male in the eyes of my school-mates at the boarding school I attended many years ago.  Today I say, ‘So they thought that, so what?’  To obey God and love Him is to me more important than all that.  If I am not regarded as a tough bloke until the day I die, that is nothing to me.  Leaving the past behind I strive towards the goal set before me, which is a spiritual one – as the Apostle said.  I simply don’t think we should be worrying ourselves too much about this manhood problem.

When I say that, I don’t mean we should ignore outright effeminate behaviour and gender change and homosexual attractions and desires, because those things are condemned in the scripture as sin and we need to find redemption and freedom from them in Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit if we are enslaved to them.

There are problems with men in the church – they lack interest, falling off the branch, finding it all a bit unreal or boring.  These are because of spiritual problems that have different answers than will be found in ‘manhood’ ministries and trying to follow male models, whatever they be.  The only Man to be emulated is Jesus and that is for all of us.   The Apostles and Prophets also show us examples of the man of God in their lives.  But we should not get mystical about this, because that will lead into deception.

Probably the reason why men are not attending and participating in churches is because on the one hand the teaching ministry from the pulpit is not faithful to the truth and also heartfelt and with the power of the Holy Spirit, and on the other hand it is the inducements of the world around us, enticing us men into this world instead of remembering every day the Lord above and the world to come and aiming at that.

I have written more than enough.  I must end here.

So, may all the men of Northridge have a year of God’s blessing and know that they are being made more like the Son of Man, the Man of Sorrows and the Saviour, our Redeemer, the King of kings and Lord of Lords, the Lamb who was as if slain, who stands at the right hand of the throne of God, the Lion of Judah, the Everlasting God and the Almighty Father above, whose name is to be praised eternally.

God and Relationships

This entry is the second entry for Stephen Climpson. I find the points he makes easy to trust because of his ability to relate what he is saying to what the Word of God tells us. This article is long but take the time to read it, as Stephen explains the role we should let God play in our relationships with others.

As I get older, some things in life get greyer and some things get clearer.

One thing that is getting clearer and clearer to me is that the greatest need that every person has in life is be in relationship. To know and to be known. To love and to be loved. To understand and to be understood.

I suspect that for most people, the richest and most life giving experiences have come from being in good relationships where we can just be ourselves and know that we are loved.

Equally, I suspect that our greatest disappointments and hurts in life have come from relationships that have not gone right.

While good relationship with others is a gift from God, the most important and life giving relationship we can ever have is a relationship with God. This is because he a heavenly Father who has made us to be in relationship with him; he knows everything about us and he loves us so much that he sent his own son Jesus to die so that we can be in relationship with him.

Because of this all sufficient and loving gift, we have complete and utter freedom to come to him just as we are and to enjoy him forever. We do not need to do anything. We do not need to impress or pretend; we are forgiven and accepted and loved for who we are; as children of a heavenly Father we have his unbreakable promise that nothing can or will ever separate us from his love; we can bring our deepest feelings and fears to him. Everything we will ever really need, life eternal, is to be found in this relationship.

But this does not mean that our relationship with others is to be neglected. Far from it. God says that our relationship with others is a vital part of the reason we were made. Gods two big commandments to us are- Love me with all your heart (relationship with God); and love others as you love yourself (relationship with others). God commands us to love others because he knows that we are made for relationship; he wants to bless us with good and healthy relationships and he wants to use us to bring blessing to others in the relationships we have with them.

The truth that is embedded in these two life giving commands is that our relationship with God should be the reference point for all our relationships with others- to love others as he loves them. His desire is to change and empower us to do this better and better as we grow in our understanding of his amazing love for us.  1 John 4:11-12 says: “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love in made complete in us”.

God has not given us these commandments to be a burden- he has given them to us because he loves us and because he knows that in following them we will have life and freedom!

Jesus defined life itself, eternal life, as relationship with God. When Jesus was praying, just before he was about to die, he made this amazing statement: “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you the only true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3).

How then is it that we get to “know God”, to grow in our relationship with God? The scriptures say that it is not a matter of head knowledge, of knowing “about” God. It is not about doing. There is nothing that we can do to be put right with God; God in his amazing grace has done it all for us. Knowing God is a matter of the heart; of seeking him with a desperate heart; of loving him back and surrendering our hearts to him. It is like any loving deep relationship, but this one is the biggest and most life changing relationship we can ever have.

Jesus always sought to bring people into personal relationship with Father God by first revealing truth about God and then inviting people to respond to that truth from their hearts- revelation and invitation.

In relation to revelation, Jesus said “everything I have learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).; “the Spirit will take what is mine and make it known to you” (John 16:15). Jesus said to his heavenly Father “For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them” (John 17:8).

But Jesus never left the revelation of who God is as an end in itself. Revelation always came with invitation: “come to me”, “drink and eat of me”, “follow me”, “obey me”, “be washed by me”, “be forgiven by me” “be born again in me”.

Jesus’ ministry was about revealing truth about God and then inviting a heart response. This is because Jesus knew that life itself is to be found in a personal intimate relationship with the living God and that that relationship, like any other relationship, must based on the truth- a “right relationship”.

Where will we find revelation?  Jesus referred to God’s word as the source of truth and life. When Jesus was in the desert, tempted by Satan to turn stones into bread when he was hungry (Luke 4:4), Jesus went to scripture as the source of truth to help him make the right decision in that moment. The scripture that Jesus went to speaks volumes about our need for revelation from Gods word as the source of life: “Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord” (Deut 8:3).

When Jesus was praying for his followers shortly before he was to die, he prayed “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17). Jesus is saying that we are sanctified, actually changed to become more like God, by truth that is to be found in God’s word. Where is that truth to be found? Jesus was saying that we will grow and change to become more like God when we listen to and inwardly digest Gods word, when we listen to God speaking to us in his word and then responding to the revelation of truth in his word from our hearts.

Listening and responding to God’s word of truth with our heart is the source of life and health: “My son, pay attention to what I say; listen carefully to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life” (Prov 4:20-22). This is an immutable promise of Father God to us when we listen and respond to his word with our heart. It is also a promise that our hearts, “the well spring of life”, are protected from the corruption of the worlds lies in that process of feeding on truth.

Jesus knew that God’s word was the source of life and renewal. Jesus said “If you hold to my teaching (which was all about revealing truth about God), you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31). Jesus said: “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” (John 6:63)

The truth is so important because we are a broken people. Because of our brokenness, we look for life in the wrong places. Most often, we look for life in pleasurable experiences. These pleasurable experiences are usually in “things” or in human relationships. They give us a sense of momentary joy and of being alive and secure in our control of things. We look for life in these things, rather than in relationship with God. We are more passionately interested in “enjoying” life than in better knowing the one who is the source of life. We seek life outside of relationship with God.

This is not to say that things, human relationships and pleasurable experiences are bad in themselves.  Far from it. God wants us to enjoy the world he has made and he loves to give good gifts. Ephesians 1: 16 says: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights”. All that is good in this world comes from God. Home and shelter, food and water, family and community, health and work, money and possessions, friendships and most importantly love all come from God.

Jesus said that our heavenly Father “knows” that we need these things (John 6). It is God’s delight to bless us with these things and for us to enjoy them. But things are not the source of life. Jesus said:  “seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt 6:32-33). Jesus said “do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the son of man will give you” (John 6:27).

The “enjoyment” of things is not where life is to be found. But we so often we pursue them as if they were the source of life and, in that process, we cut God out. Things become a substitute for God. We try to find life outside of relationship with him. The scriptures say that, in our brokenness, we exchange the truth (of who God is and how we are made to live for him) for a lie (that God is not to be trusted and that we should look to things for fulfilment and life).  And so we end up worshiping created things rather than the creator: “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped and served created things rather than the creator” (Romans 1:25).

The world is constantly telling us lies: that God is not really there; does not care; is not to be trusted; that I am not good enough; and that I will find meaning and significance outside of relationship with him-in the abundance of my possessions; in power or prestige; in living for myself; in nature; in my family or in my relationships with others. But these are lies.

And because of our broken state, we constantly need revelation of the truth of who God is. We need to feed on his word of truth by spending time alone with him in his word and responding with our hearts to the invitations that will come from his word.

We need the truth of God’s word for life. Just as God by his mouth brought the creation into existence, and by his mouth breathed life in Adam and Eve, and by his mouth breathed life into dry bones, and by his mouth raised Jesus from the dead, so we need God by his Holy Spirit to breathe life into us by his word of truth and so to change us and “recreate” us.

Ultimately, feeding on God’s word will involve us feeding on Jesus himself. This is because Jesus is the word of God and God’s revelation of himself is supremely shown in the person of Jesus. Jesus is God’s ultimate word- he is the “Word become flesh” (John 1:14) .

The gospel message itself is the essence of the revelation of who God is, what he is like. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John1:14). Jesus is the good news that God is near, that he loves us, that he longs for us just to come to him and that God has acted with the most extraordinary and costly self sacrifice to clear the way so that we can just come as we are.

Jesus said: “Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me..I tell you the truth; he who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life…Whoever eats my blood and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me” (John 6:45-58)The most amazing truth in the gospel is that God has come to us in and as a person and that we can come to Father God, to our creator, through a relationship with that person. That person is Jesus. When we listen to him and come to him, we are listening and coming to God himself. In following Jesus, we are following God himself. In loving Jesus, we love God. In the person of Jesus we will find both the ultimate revelation of God and the ultimate invitation of God: “come to me”, “drink and eat of me”, “follow me”, “obey me”, “be washed by me”, “be forgiven by me” “be born again in me”. In relationship with Jesus, we have relationship with God. What an amazing gift!

Profoundly, when we come to Jesus, God’s word says that he will come and live in us and  we will become one with him: “My Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home in him” (John 14:23); “I have made you known to them and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself will be in them” (John 17:26).These words are a wonderful promise that when we follow Jesus and are in relationship with him, God comes and lives in us in a most profound and intimate way. This is where life, life to the full, is to be found.

Stephen Climpson

Three Estate Agents

Ron Black has contributed this piece entitled “Three Estate Agents”. It is a wonderful true story of God’s provision.

Three Estate Agents = Faith, Hope and Love.

In the beginning – all stories start this way.

In January 2009 we were on our way to Nelson bay for our holidays  when we received a phone call from a relative, encouraging us look at a house that had come up for sale. We had been looking for a special house for a number of years and as we completed the inspection, we agreed that this could be it.

We had to get our own house signed off (as we were owner builders) and arrange finances. In order to buy “Rosemead Cottage”. With good intent we went prepared to the Auction to buy the “special house” – a 1903 model at that.

We never even raised our hand as the price went up & up. Passed in was the verdict and our solicitor said “do you really want it? Yes, was the answer. So after some post auction discussions we set about selling another property we had.

Due diligence was done- Finances were a “walk in the park” as spoken by our bank’s representative.

The Football game.  I purchased some special tickets for our family to a world cup game in Sydney. So special these tickets, that I only gave out the tickets when we arrived at the grounds so if we got separated we would still be able to meet at the reserved seats. All went well, till we were about to go through the gates – Okay put your tickets in the turnstile- Then tears, our youngest daughter had lost hers in the last 400 meters in a sea of hundreds of people. I said it will be okay “I WILL TELL THEM ” Rocking up to a staff member I prepared my speal, “ My daughter has “ Stopped in my presentation he said here is your ticket!. No LISTEN to ME “ My daughter has lost her ticket – Stopped again he said Here is your ticket. Yes it was the missing ticket. On reflection I felt the Spirit saying “ I am taking you on a journey of trust- I will go before you to the end.”

I wanted to sell our home through Keith Soames R/E , My eldest daughter worked at Raine & Horne , L J hooker also seemed a good option.  Denise at Raine & Horne knew she was going to sell this home , no problems so Raine & Horne seemed like the best choice.

We sold one house in a reasonable time, bridging finance arranged as a back-up so away we went. Open house after open house, some interest even a deposit only to withdraw. From Raine & Horne to L J Hooker we went, all to no avail. After 12 months and running out of cash and financial options keeping the dream house was looking distant.

Lost the keys. Whilst preparing for yet another open house I could not find the keys. Even though the house was empty they were not to be found. Opening draws, moving curtains, turning leaves over , all with no luck. Prayer was the only option. On hands and knees I sifted through low bushes where I had trimmed some plants – looking up at where I started I prepared to walk away. Remember the words “ go to the end “ I then knelt down into the shrubs again, one meter to go , there they were suspended in a small branch, on we go to the end.

“D day” had come, the last of the financial documents had been drafted for Tuesday at 3.30pm. This was it, the next decision was in the banks. We had $5.00 left in cash. Bridging loans due were being paid on credit then being paid out immediately on the next pay week.   After going forward on the Sunday service (prior to Tuesdays appointment) just to give all that we had emotionally, I said to Ren lets have a coffee, as we had a two for one deal at Donut King in our possession. We sat enjoyed the coffee and then out of the corner of my eye $2.00 rolled towards us, I looked with curiosity as it stopped at my feet, looking around nobody seemed to be losing money from their possession. The $2.00 coffee was paid for.

How did it end?  On Tuesday at 3.45 pm whilst waiting outside the banks office I received a call that a non refundable deposit was received by my solicitor. Denise from Raine & Horne had been in discussions with Keith Soames, who had a previously interested party who wanted to purchase our house with no conditions attached. So we entered the banks office and said we will not sign the document and that we will be able to settle the debt.

“Faith to buy, Hope that it will come to pass, Love the home”

History revealed that Rosemead Cottage was the pastor/teacher residence of Barker College it was called “The Haven” meaning a place of rest. Some say what a journey and how exciting – well it was journey and it was exhausting – I guess the Israelites got exhausted too.

Remember When

Darryl Semmler’s contribution is a short story of reflection entitled “Remember When”.

I am an old fashioned country boy at heart. I often like to look back and remember when ……….

I believe I have always been humble in life and appreciated anyone who was older than me. I would listen to their stories and take any advice or suggestions. Maybe this is why I have always believed, from a very young age, because everyone told me Jesus was very old and his father has always been there for me.

As a child and now as an adult I always accepted my Faith, felt I had Hope for the future and consider I Love my fellow human beings.

I have admitted in the past what I have wanted to be and it is very simple. To be more open to God, to improve on what my father on earth had done and never to be afraid to express feelings or wants or needs to God. My earthly Dad knew God but was very silent in expressing his love or engaging in prayer but deep down I know he knew Jesus and talked to God.

When I sat down to write my life story (1987) I surprised myself as I felt immediately I would be able to leave a story behind that was about a simple life, a life of effort and being thankful for everything I had, but the story at that time was really about wanting to become a dad myself. And God provided. What a joy.

So this story now has to be for me about remembering when……… because that is what I have ahead for myself.

Jesus said live your life as a child so I must “remember when”…….. to achieve that.

Would I as a child have been worried about the financial state of the world? The answer is no, so why should I worry about it now. It was cool when I was young to have many friends and good mates who I would trust with everything. Why do I not have many of them now?. I have friends and a wife I dearly love but if I was living like a child I would have a hundred mates who I could tell and trust with anything. So the joy of youth must shine through as I live my life. Show excitement at simple things, only speak when spoken to, be thankful for anything received, always love everyone, have more mates and always do my best.

I remember when……………….

My parents taught me that hard work is not always going to reward.

Mum would say if you eat the crusts of your bread you will end up with beautiful curly hair.

Mum would say if you screw your face up you will end up looking like that.

A bike was the most special thing.

A new ball was polished each night after use

The neighbors had fish fingers for Sunday tea and invited me in.

Sunday School was full of fantastic stories and friends.

If I didn’t clean my shoes I was not allowed outside

Music gave me so much enjoyment

I almost shot my brother pointing a rifle at him

I was married

God gave me all I need in this earthly life.

I know my hope is to eventually go home and be with the pals from my life including my Lord and when I get there I hope to remember when…………..

“I chose you”- God’s calling

Stephen Climpson has written this piece reflecting on the biblical meaning of what it means to be ‘chosen’ and what it means to be ‘called’.                                               

1. John 13-17 contains Jesus’ final moments with his disciples before he was taken by the authorities and crucified. Jesus was doing and saying things to prepare his followers for living life without him being physically present. I have found these chapters to be a most profound revelation of how Jesus wants his people to live in the world and, more broadly, of Gods heart for his creation and his people.

2. In John 15: 16-17, Jesus seems to bring to a climactic summary a lot of what he had been saying and doing to prepare his followers in the preceding chapters. Jesus said: “You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: love one another” (John 15:16-17)

3. There is so much in these words of Jesus for us to learn, but the words “I chose you” are particularly profound for me. Amazingly, the almighty creator of the universe loves me and, through Jesus, chooses me to be his hands and feet in the world. God in Jesus, intentionally selects me, chooses me, “calls” me. The same is true of every believer.

4. God’s word says that we are “called” by God according to his purposes (Romans 8:28). This means that God is intentional about calling us. It is not just something that happens randomly, caused by impersonal forces in the universe. This is personal. This is individual. Ephesians 1:4 says that God “chose us in (Jesus) before the creation of the world”. Ephesians 1:11 says “In him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will”.  God declared to his people Israel: “You are my witnesses and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe in me and understand that I am God” (Isaiah 43:10).

5. Knowing we have been chosen and have a destiny in God means that we have acertain hope of what God has for us in the future, an inheritance of immeasurable value. Ephesians 1:18: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incredibly great power for us who believe”.

6. Often we think of Gods “calling” as something that must be specific. We think of it as a calling to do something or be someone, for example, a brain surgeon or a prime minister or a missionary in Africa. While God may have such a specific calling on our lives, it may not be the case for many of us. Many of God’s people may truthfully say “I do not know whether God wants me to do something specific with my life”. God may indeed not have something specific. He may simply say: what do you want? He may simply say: I just want you to be available for me wherever you are and, because you are available, I will use you in my plan to recreate the world.

7. Sometimes we may fall into thinking that we are only second class Christians if we do not have a specific calling. But that is to misunderstand what “calling” is essentially about. If we read the scriptures that refer to “calling”, they say that we are all called and that calling can be summarised as follows: to come to Jesus (1 Cor 1:9); to belong to Jesus and be in intimate relationship with him (Romans 1:6); and to be transformed to be more and more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-30).

8. Coming to Jesus and being in relationship with him is the primary calling of God to each and every Christian- it is the primary calling that God makes to the whole of his creation. It is the great high calling which is above everything other calling. It is the bedrock of any specific calling that God may have for us. It is the very foundation of everything else we do in life.

9. The scriptures are full of assurance that as we live out this primary calling and come to him and entrust my life to him, the rest will follow. He will guide our path and will use us in fulfilling his plans for the world: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and he will make your paths straight” (Prov 3:5); “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord and trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Psalm 37:4-6).

10. Coming to Jesus and being in relationship with him may be described as where “reality” is to be found. On the one hand, there is an infinite person who is God. He exists. He is the creator of everything. He is not the creation itself, although the fact that he exists and aspects of what he is like can be seen in creation. He is separate from his creation. He is separate from me, although he made me. He is all powerful. He is holy. He is good. He is eternal.

11. On the other hand, there is me. I exist. I am separate from and have my being in the universe. Who I am and what I do is not simply the product of impersonal forces in the universe around me. I have free will. I am not the creator but I have been made like my creator (“in his own image he made them”). I am far from holy but I was made for relationship with my creator. Because he made me with free will and because of what he did in Jesus (“grace”), I am now totally free to move towards him and to be in relationship with him. I am also totally fee to move away from him. God does not force me (or anyone else) to come to him, although, like a loving father, he longs for me to “come” to him.

12. Whether we move toward God or away from him is up to us. It is not just a matter of the mind, of an intellectual assent. It is primarily a matter of my heart. It is a matter of whether the whole of who I am responds with a resounding “yes” to his personal invitation to “come”; to seek him with my “whole heart”; to surrender my heart and all that I am and have to him. When I seek God with all my heart and surrender to him, there is relationship. As I entrust my life to him more and more, that relationship grows in intimacy. It is in that relationship that reality and meaning are to be found, because that is what God made me for. The word of God affirms that this is where reality is to be when it says that, in the person of Christ, “all things hold together” (Col 1:17). Christ himself affirms the same truth when he said: “I am the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6).

13. God’s call is unique to each follower. Jesus chooses and calls us individually. Each has a unique calling and value to God. We should not compare ourselves to others or try to be someone else because God has made each of us totally unique for the calling he has on our lives and he loves us for who we are, he wants us to come to him as we are and he wants to use us just as we are (although, as we do this, he will grow us and change us).

14. I should not listen to the world that tells me that my “calling” will be fulfilled and I will find my purpose in life when I achieve “success” or I acquire things or status. These are lies. This is not where light and meaning is to be found, but only darkness. Moving towards God and coming to him is life. Moving away from him and living for myself is death. Existing as if life is about me and not God is thus to live in a type of “unreality”.

15. The high calling of God is to come to Jesus, to be in intimate relationship with him, to be transformed by him and to be sent out into the world as his hands and feet. This is our calling. This is our destiny. This is where abundant life is to be found and experienced. Do not believe lies that say that life and meaning can be found elsewhere or that there is any “higher calling” than this.

God is interested in one thing only

This entry is from Marcus Binet. Marcus has shared something which has been on his heart through his journaling. Please comment on what he has to say, or share your own experiences with journaling.

 

I have many things, and there are many things that I can do, but God is interested in one thing only: relationship. i.e. Me.

 

He is not really that interested in healing and prophecy and tongues and miracles. He’s not interested in my money or my position in the community or my position in my work. He doesn’t care that much for my reputation, my  career or my skills. He wants me. He wants to be with me, and for me to be with him. He wants relationship – for me to know him

 

He wants me to know him better and more completely. He wants to sit with me and watch the sunrise. He wants to come running with me in the morning. He wants to join me at my dinner table with my family. He wants to reveal himself to me. To show me how much he loves me. To talk with me, and to tell me “great and unsearchable things you do not know”. Tongues and prophecy and healing and miracles are all great gifts – and God gives them to bring people closer to him. That’s why he gave them.

 

I dream a lot, and one of the ways God reveals himself to me is in my dreams. Sometimes I have cryptic dreams which I know are from God, but which do not seem to make a lot of sense. I have to seek after God, and wait for him and listen for his wisdom before I understand what he is saying. Sometimes this can take days and weeks. God doesn’t’ do this to tease me, he does it because it forces me to sit and listen – and he loves that!

Men as Role Models

This entry of Men of Strength is from Chris Chilton about men as role models, particularly fathers as role models for their sons. Please feel free to comment.

I was at a wedding last weekend when we sang “10,000 reasons”. I was up in the gallery and soon put my hand in the air in worship. I glanced down to the packed church below me and saw one other hand raised. It was my adult son and I felt proud that he too wanted to honour God and wasn’t concerned that he might stand out in the crowd. He has also taken on some of my personality, my passions, my values and my weaknesses. Like father – Like son.

It just reminded me how much as Dads we influence our children and particularly our sons. Looking back now that all my children are in their 20’s I wish I had done a few things differently when they were younger. I wish I hadn’t spent so many nights away from home on business leaving my wife to juggle everything with the kids. I wish that when I was around I had been more proactive and firmer with the kids when I needed to be. I wish that I had made more of a conscious effort to support, honour and respect my wife – particularly in front of the boys.

I now realise that, whether we are aware of it or not, we are constantly role modelling to our kids. They watch us all the time. They are very smart and they soon work out how things work and what is acceptable and what is not. They are often there when we stuff up and say or do things that we regret. But they are also there when we say sorry and sort things out in a constructive way.

Being a good role model for our kids is one of the most important responsibilities that we have as a father. If I had my time again, which of course I don’t, I would just try and be more aware of my influence and more intentional as a role model. I would also back up my behaviours with a brief explanation to make it explicit why I believe that specific action or response is important to me.

When they were young, I loved my sons as boys. Now I love them as good mates.